Vast amounts of ink have been spilled pointing out how our attempts at charity go about it wrong. TOMS Shoes founder Blake Mycoskie came under fire for his model, which donated a pair of shoes to someone in a developing country for each pair sold, arguably leaving foreign markets flooded with an overabundance of shoes and putting locals out of business. (Mycoskie may be improving his business model these days.) Other criticized aid ideas include cartons of unwanted T-shirts sent to African nations; short-term missions trips, if not planned well; and, generally, any idea that involves a relatively wealthy and privileged person thinking she can use physical resources to stem the tide of a disaster by buying, building, or visiting.

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Even in U.S. churches, our responses can perpetuate the problem: Of 1,000 pastors surveyed by LifeWay Research in a recent poll for Sojourners, most vastly underestimated the sexual abuse likely taking place in their congregations. Fewer than half were familiar with domestic violence resources in the local community. Most said they have responded to reports of sexual or domestic violence by recommending couples or marriage counseling, something the poll report points out is a "dangerous or even potentially lethal response."