Trigger warning: This post contains depictions of sexual violence. Need help? Call the National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or visit RAINN.
Growing up, I was uneducated about sexual assault. I don’t recall even knowing what it was until it actually happened to me. I was 12 years old when I was inappropriately touched for the first time by a family member. I didn’t realize the volume of what had happened, and I never told a soul because I was too embarrassed.
Fast forward 7 years to my freshmen year of college when I was assaulted by another acquaintance. I physically couldn’t fight back. I was in shock, confused, and scared. I believed to my core that it was my fault and that I was dirty. Shame covered me, and I never told anyone what happened.
Then, at the age of 20, I was living what I thought was “The Life.” One night, my roommate and I decided to go to a local bar in Brooklyn and then head over to a nightclub in Manhattan to meet another friend. To this day, I only remember bits and pieces of what happened after we left the bar, but I now realize I was drugged and sexually assaulted at the club. Again, I was too ashamed to tell a soul.
If it is not dealt with properly, I believe a domino effect takes place after sexual violence, or at least that was the case for me. By age 23, I was suffering from debilitating depression and anxiety, drug addiction, self-harm, and an eating disorder. Not all of these issues were solely from my sexual assault experiences, but I do believe that it played a significant role.
A friend told me about a place called Mercy Ministries. This free, faith-based, residential program supports girls and women (ages 13-28) who have life-debilitating issues. Even though I was not raised in the church, I was desperate and this was my last hope.
God met me at the doors of Mercy Ministries and healed my deepest wounds. When I felt like I was all alone, God reminded me: “I am always with you.” When I hated myself and thought I was ugly, God told me, “I made you perfectly and you are beautiful.” When I wanted to die, God said, “No, I sent my son to die so that YOU could live.” I am a completely different person because of the grace, mercy, and love of Jesus Christ.
Sometimes I wonder if anyone saw what was happening to me in that nightclub. I wonder if someone chose to ignore it or if they genuinely didn’t know what to do. I think these are common reactions when someone witnesses an assault or is faced with a situation that could result in one. As a bystander, there are some steps you can take to save yourself, your friends, or people around you:
- Trust your instincts.
- Always stay with a friend and don’t let it get to the point where either one of you cannot mentally or physically defend yourselves because of drug or alcohol impairment.
- Don’t leave drinks unattended or accept drinks from people you don’t know.
- Step up and distract what could turn into a dangerous situation.
- Don’t ever be afraid to say NO!
But the most important thing I can say as a survivor is to never blame yourself or be afraid to tell someone what happened to you. There is silence in condemnation, but Romans 8:1 reminds us that there is no condemnation in Christ.
Breaking the silence and practicing bystander prevention is key to stopping sexual assault. Learn the facts and get educated—for your sake and the sake of those around you.
Brittni Jones is a full-time student majoring in social work. She loves to sing and write, and plans to use not only her degree, but all her God-given gifts to reach out to others. She is also a volunteer member of RAINN's Speakers Bureau.
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