Humans are like ants, only less productive.
H'rumphs
Ed Spivey Jr. 7-01-2010
I never look forward to my trips to Dallas, a red-state city short on political tolerance but long on congenial in-laws, who welcome me to their comfortable little patch of sagebrush while trying t
Ed Spivey Jr. 5-01-2010
As summer approaches, I look forward to the day, sometime in late July, when all the snow will finally be gone from Washington, D.C. But right now I’m writing from the confines of my home, trapped under three feet of snow and occupying my time by worrying about the porch roof collapsing.
I share this snowbound fate with spouse and youngest daughter, the oldest daughter having wisely decided to move to the warmer climate of northern Massachusetts.
As the snow continues, and my fear for the porch intensifies, I have been told that under no circumstances will I be permitted to climb onto the roof and shovel it off, this from household members who never stand in my way when tires go flat, lawns require mowing, or the bodies of rodents need to be removed from locations where the cat has proudly put them on display.
I originally attempted to stand on a ladder and rake snow from that relatively safe vantage point, but family members referred to news reports of injuries resulting from just that technique. So, after carefully coming down from the ladder by falling backwards into the snow, I withdrew to my basement workshop to plan a different strategy. [Editor’s fact check: There is a basement, but no “workshop.” Just a bench with dusty tools that haven’t been used since the last time the author’s 85-year-old father demonstrated how to use a saw without injury.]
Ed Spivey Jr. 3-01-2010
It was a very special day, and I chose my necktie accordingly, a selection made easier by the fact that I only have two.
Ed Spivey Jr. 2-01-2010
I’ve been surfing the Internet, looking for ways to escape the coming apocalypse that ancient Mayans, using science available at the time, predicted for two years from now.
Ed Spivey Jr. 1-01-2010
The new year is dawning brightly—usually too brightly, depending on how late you stayed up on New Year’s Eve—and it is filled with hope and the unlimited possibility of a fresh st
Ed Spivey Jr. 12-01-2009
This being December, many of you are starting to go through closets finding raiment suitable for the children to wear in the upcoming church Christmas pageant.
Ed Spivey Jr. 11-01-2009
While purchasing a slingshot recently, I began to wonder what message this might be sending to my credit card company, a business that pays special attention to my spending habits out of what I use
Ed Spivey Jr. 9-01-2009
This month’s cover story is about sex, and there is nothing I can add to the topic that would not violate the rules of my parole, except to mention that a Nevada senator—who single-hand
Ed Spivey Jr. 8-01-2009
With all the mixed signals we’ve been getting these days about the use of torture, it’s hard to know what to believe.
Ed Spivey Jr. 7-01-2009
This is my first column in our bold new magazine design, which was created to bring state-of-the-art publishing innovations to our readers. Also, we were bored with the old design.
Ed Spivey Jr. 6-01-2009
As I sit at my desk thinking up innovative ideas for the coming decade—MacArthur Mediocrity Grants, AIG offices relocating to Guantanamo, AIDS awareness seminars for the pope (“I d
Ed Spivey Jr. 5-01-2009
I hold in my hand a printout of the e-mail I just received from Barack Obama.
Ed Spivey Jr. 4-01-2009
With the nation facing fiscal uncertainty (actually, complete and absolute certainty—just like the inevitable wedgie I got every day in junior-high gym class), maybe it&rsq
Ed Spivey Jr. 2-01-2009
The International Space Station is a cramped scientific laboratory orbiting in an environment where temperatures on a good day top out at minus 273 degrees Celsius.
Ed Spivey Jr. 1-01-2009
Made you look. Anyway, the world economy continues to spin downward despite my previous column on the subject, which was intended to bring needed comic relief to struggling world markets.
Ed Spivey Jr. 12-01-2008
The following is an excerpt from economic philosopher Adam Smith’s Wealth of Nations treatise, one of the driving intellectual forces behind contemporary market theory.