SOMETIMES I FEEL AS IF I've lived a long, long time as far as women's history goes. I was born to missionary parents in China at a time when unwanted girl babies in that country were often thrown away; my parents' Chinese friends sent them condolence cards, for to them my birth was considered a death. Now I'm an ordained minister in the Evangelical Covenant Church.
As a child I went to boarding schools, then set off alone at 16 to come to the United States to go to college. I majored in nursing, as I was very anxious to spend my life in the mission field. Looking back, I realize that if it had been possible, I would have prepared as a minister then, but it was not an option for women in the 1950s at Wheaton College.
I married right after graduation, My husband was a second-year medical student, and I taught nursing at Kansas University, When the children came, I stopped teaching to stay home and care for them. Everybody did that then and I wanted to also, but I had no model for being an American housewife living in the suburbs and often rebelled against it. My greatest longing during those years was for community. So I worked hard to establish community.
The security of my relationship with my husband has been the still point of my life. Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the gift of my husband, especially in these later years as I have left behind the traditional role for women by going to seminary and entering the pastorate. We are learning mutual submission, equally called and equally accountable.
Men are supposed to have the mid-life crises, but I was the one who had one as the children grew up and started going to college. What was I going to do the rest of my life?
As I agonized over that, the answer that kept coming was--I'd love to study theology. Fuller Theological Seminary was within commuting distance. My husband encouraged me to go to seminary but I had questions--why would God be leading me this way? Women weren't ministers. And there was great fear about striking out on my own. What would happen to my marriage?
At first I thought God was calling me into the ministry in spite of the fact that I am a woman. Now I know it's because I am a woman. But that took several years to sink in.
I slowly began to realize that God is directly challenging some problems we have not faced very well in the church. The issue of understanding ministry as servanthood is spoken about but often not acted upon. The church has tended to see power as being in limited supply, rather than working for the empowerment of all, by God's Spirit. Authority has been used to control others, rather than using power (the Spirit's power) to serve others.
We need to look at the issue of men and women learning mutual submission and being equally called and equally responsible before God for their lives. When women become pastors, these issues are brought out to the forefront.
I DID NOT REALIZE any of this at first, but during my internship, all these issues surfaced. My church had sent its delegates to vote no on the issue of women's ordination at our 1976 annual meeting. They "let" (the actual wording of one of the deacons) me do my internship at the church because they did not want to lose my family if I went to another church.
But I do not think it really dawned on the deacons that I was a "woman" minister until one day the question of my leading a communion service came up. Our women deacons were not allowed to serve communion; they could only wash the cups. That was the catalyst for studying all these issues.
Today there is no line drawn in that church where women can go so far and no farther. Old power structures and a rigid view of authority have been given up. A concern for justice and encouragement of everyone's gifts is present.
I am continuing to see that God is intentionally calling women into ministry. In the first wedding I performed, the young man had grown up with such abuse from his father that he did not relate comfortably to men. Before I knew his story, I had been surprised that the couple selected me, the woman intern, to officiate at their wedding. They were grateful they had the chance to choose.
Women have never felt so accepted or represented in the church before. And some young girls in the congregation, when asked what they are going to do when they grow up, have replied, "I'm going to be like Pastor Marie."
Both men and women have responded to the option of coming to a woman pastor for counseling. I have grown to understand how mothering has parallels with shepherding a flock. Many of the same skills of guiding, nurturing, prodding, encouraging, listening, enabling, and letting go are used. As a parent, I felt it was my task to help my family grow up physically, mentally, and spiritually. As a minister, my vision also is to help my congregation mature.
When I first went to seminary, I never dreamed that I would end up being a pastor, much less starting a new church. But I feel my age has been a help. The church must be one place where gray hair on a woman is seen as good.
My life experience is seen as valuable, and my age seems less threatening to denominational leaders. Having already raised my children assures people I'm not against marriage and family. My husband is a wonderful support, even to the point of inviting people over for Sunday dinner, which he, the pastor's spouse, cooks (don't they always?!).
I am the first and only woman pastor in my denomination's Pacific Southwest Conference. I hope not for long (but it's been eight years so far). I did not start out to be a pioneer--I just hesitantly obeyed the Lord one step at a time. I am doing something I feel I was created to do.
Marie Wiebe was pastor of Camarillo Covenant Church in Camarillo, California when this article appeared, and had graduated from Fuller Theological Seminary in the same class as her son.
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