Life After A Death

IN 1998, AWARD-WINNING writer Linda Lawrence Hunt and her husband, Jim, were forced to consider a question no parent wants to ask: How do you find meaning in life after losing your child?

Their 25-year-old daughter, Krista Hunt Ausland, had just died in a bus accident in Bolivia while volunteering with the Mennonite Central Committee.

“Your joys become more intense,” consoled a friend whose family had also lost a child.

This resonated with Linda, especially since Krista was known for her energy and enthusiasm. Linda and her husband, now retired professors of English and history at Whitworth University, had always encouraged Krista to travel and take part in community service, but even they were amazed by the intense joy Krista exuded serving as a school teacher in inner-city Tacoma, Wash., or volunteering in poor communities in Latin America. Writing about that joy might help to recover some of it in Linda’s own life, she thought.

Fifteen years later, Linda’s newest book is more than just an ode to a remarkably happy daughter. Pilgrimage through Loss: Pathways to Strength and Renewal after the Death of a Child is a collection of ideas and insight from more than 30 parents who decide in their darkest hours to “face grief in creative and intentional ways.” The book, which contains study questions at the end of each chapter and references new research on grief, is intended as a resource for grieving parents, as well as for those hoping to support them in the right ways and at the right times. “Closure is an illusion,” explains Linda, but she describes multiple examples of parents finding strength and even joy in sacred spaces and rituals, as well as in giving and receiving symbolic acts of kindness.

These insights help friends of grieving parents consider what responses would be most appreciated. Some might come as a surprise. For example, many parents told Linda they long to hear others say their child’s name, but find people often shy away from doing so in their presence out of fear that it would be uncomfortable. Parents also speak of gratitude for receiving letters their child once sent someone else and of the warmth they feel when they are able to pass along mementos of their lost child to others at just the right moment.

Linda learned early in the grief cycle that taking small steps like visiting art fairs or cooking helped to ease the “acute pain” for her. Deciding when to push oneself to be open to the support of others and when to seek solitude are also crucial ways of seizing moments.

Prayer, meditation, and a willingness to honor their own instincts helped Jim and Linda make several bold moves. A few months after Krista’s death, they accompanied Krista’s husband, Aaron Ausland, back to the crash site in Bolivia and spent time hearing of the couple’s adventures. Jim also returned to Central America, where he once took Krista during a college study tour. Visits to churches impacted by the war in El Salvador gave him a vision for sharing Krista’s passion for social justice, and in 1999 Jim and Linda formed the Krista Foundation for Global Citizenship to mentor other Christian volunteers through international and domestic social outreach.

In the period right after a loss, it’s hard to imagine feeling creative or joyful about anything, which is why this book offers gentle questions and encouragement. These stories and insights from parents who outlived a child testify that while grief persists, so also does love, and from that, hope and joy may be reborn.