But Where Was Elvis?

We were busy preparing our usual respected commentary on major international events when a news item in The New York Times crossed our desk and caused a shudder of foreboding and anticipation. According to this article, motorists in the Atlanta area have actually been seeing the face of Jesus Christ in a Pizza Hut billboard!

We looked closely at the picture of this giant forkful of spaghetti and, sure enough, in the middle of a thick clump of noodles is the clear image of a long-haired and bearded man. Could this be a sign of the Second Coming? The precursor of the end time? ZZ Top's next album?

Or is this just another cruel Madison Avenue hoax to subconsciously influence consumers into buying more of a particular product. ("Oh, and waiter, I'd like an extra order of garlic bread for my friend here, the Unseen Guest at Every Meal ...")

Atlanta residents have apparently been taking this sighting seriously, and one woman was quoted as having "changed her life" after seeing the Lord's face covered with noodles. (That would do it for me, too.)

Well, there is no doubt in our office that this is a significant sighting. Maybe not like the apparitions in other countries, but let's face it, Americans are not impressed by bleeding statues or Madonna paintings that shed real tears.

No. We Americans want to see market tie-ins in our holy visitations.

That's why this Pizza Hut thing is so inspiring. It's got product recognition. It's got media exposure. It's got solid market share. It's got good numbers all around. But what's the follow-up? What is the Lord trying to tell us?

Is he coming back now? Should we prepare a table for him (with some Parmesan cheese and extra napkins)? Is he looking for justice and redemption or just a quick shower and shampoo?

And what should we do? Some religious groups build bomb shelters and give all their money to the preacher when they think the end time is coming, which is okay if you're the preacher, but how about us normal folks?

Should we wait for another sign from On High? (A week after the Pizza Hut sighting, U.S. astronomers released photographs of a mountain range on Mars that looks just like Sen. Ted Kennedy's face. Was this another holy apparition, or was it a message from a civilization less advanced than ours?)

Now it is true this whole thing could have been faked. Look what happened with the Shroud of Turin. (Turns out that one of the greatest relics of the church was just an old tablecloth from a New York Jewish deli!)

And this Pizza Hut billboard could likewise be debunked or, worse yet, it could be a message from somebody evil like Rasputin (it looks sort of like Rasputin ... but then everybody looked like Rasputin back in the old days before they invented disposable razors that hang right beside you in the checkout line, so you have to buy them) ... I realize I'm rambling here, but I'm just trying to get to the bottom of the page and then I'll be done.

There.

Ed Spivey Jr. is art director of Sojourners.